Michelle B.'s Profile

Worst. Tully's. Ever.

It was a tourist mad house with children screaming and throwing plastic trucks, people standing cluelessly in the way of others trying to order drinks, and many people just stopping in to use the bathroom.

The drink they finally handed over was prepared so poorly that when I inquired about getting another one the girl looked at it and laughed.

Then the WiFi didn't work.

Eff this place, I'd rather sit out in Victor Steinbrueck Park.

Have you seen WALL-E? Have you seen the comfortable chairs they zip around in while a screen is attached to their faces as they eat "lunch in a cup" on their way to the virtual spa and salon?

I did, I saw it today at the Cinerama, and I thought that my movie going experience was going to be top-notch, high-tech, and first-class all the way. Similar to the Lido Deck aboard the Axiom. Of course I wasn't expecting "lunch in a cup" but I wouldn't have been surprised if a place like Cinerama was all futuristic like that...but it's not.

It's not even futuristic enough to have stadium seating to allow the shorties (we rule the world, don't ya know?) to see over the average height person in front of them. Good thing the guy behind me kept narrating the whole movie - even the obvious parts - because I couldn't see the entire supposedly giganticer than gigantic screen. I don't know, the screen seemed the same size to me as any other gigantic movie screen, or at least size doesn't matter in relation to my viewing pleasure.

So they weren't as futuristic as I thought they were going to be...at least they had the world's most fancy Coke Icee! It cost $5 so you know it had to be fancier than a normal dollar Coke Icee, right?

Taco Time Guy: Sorry, you would have gotten your order faster, but I dropped it on the floor...

Me to TTG: *Slightly Confused* It's ok, thanks....

Me to friend: Wait, did he say he actually made me a new taco???

The McCafe claims to serve up unsnobby coffee...and it does.

No coffee snob is going to like this stuff. I got the grande chemical latte (well I asked for vanilla flavor, but got chemical plant syrup instead) and could not even finish the cup. I figured this trip through the drive through was an exercise in selflessness and that I could bring this information to the masses - good or bad as it may be.

The coffee was bad, but the novelty of ordering a latte & a small french fry through the same speakerphone couldn't be beat!

I just got back from huffing some fumes on Broadway.

If you want to do the same - just look for the Lamborghini Countach above the now defunct Club Lagoon, head up the stairs to the right of the Castle Sex Store, through the double doors and to the back you'll find Fastan.

These people are not your average everyday skin cancer peddlers, oh no, it's much more sophisticated than that. They offer spray tans in this booth that looks like it must have come from Japan but the instructions are boomed at you from a woman with a British accent.

Get naked, hop in, and get hosed down. It's like your in an auto-body shop getting a bit of custom work done. But you're not. You're getting hosed down with chemicals that will react with your skin and turn you tannish orange. Somehow this is not supposed to cause cancer the way tanning beds can but I still consider it a gateway drug.

And it's cheap right now - there is a coupon in the Valpak that gets  you five hits for $50.

Valpak's, fake tanning, and I can only imagine what's going to come next....

The gift certificate* I had been given was about to expire so I decided to do something that I would normally never ever do and booked myself an appointment for a "Rejuvenating Body Wrap" because there really wasn't anything more outlandish on offer.

Checking into the spa was pleasant, everyone was beyond nice, they gave me water. The ambiance is a little more "shabby boudoir" than my normal preference for a spa but it was cozy and I was fine with getting fully undressed in there.

Throughout the whole treatment you are covered with a sheet and they only uncover the areas that they are working on at the moment so you get to maintain your modesty, if not your dignity.

To start off the treatment they dry-brush you, which feels like a scratchy hair brush is being run over your skin. Then they slather you all over with exfoliating pumpkin extract...all over, except your butt. I was thinking I'd have a smooth butt when I left. I guess it's my fault for not speaking up, but I could not think of a non-creepy way to request such a thing.

Anyway, once you are slathered they reveal that the bed you are laying on  has been layered with a sheet, a towel, and what can best be described as a tinfoil tarp. They take all of this and wrap you up like a Chipotle burrito and let your body do it's thing - mainly sweat.

During this time you are treated to a lovely scalp massage and a foot rub, yay foot rubs! Then they wipe you down and cover you with body butter in the scent that you, or the person who has to smells you, prefers.

The results were no better or worse than I if I had given myself a good loofah scrub down and used a rich moisturizer. I probably wouldn't do it again except I did enjoy the experience of being able to yell, "I'm a burrito! I'm a burrito!" outside of my own house.

*I almost died of heat exhaustion in L.A. so I was given a spa treatment. It's the best hazard pay, ever.

Who wants to hear about my hair!?!?! Yeah, no one. That's right. I understand this. So, this review won't be long and boring...unlike my hair after getting it cut at Seven.

Sure, the experience was great - it's a high end salon with high end prices. You've got a DJ spinning tunes, a barista making coffee, and you are given little squares of fancy chocolates to nibble on - but don't fool yourself into thinking these perks are free, it's more like they are included in the price. So, yes, it was lovely, but I paid for lovely.

I had envisioned having a deep conversation with my stylist about what would, and would not, work on me and all of the reasons why. The website led me to believe we'd discuss everything down to the minutia of the color of my eyes. (I know, I know, no one wants to talk about my hair and the Internet lies) So it's not surprising that the cut came out totally boring. Nothing wrong with it, but nothing to pay a premium for either. Luckily the color came out looking good, so overall I was happy with my experience.

If the prices weren't so high, and if I got my hair cut more often than twice a year (even *I* don't want to talk about my hair) then I would probably give another stylist here a shot, but as it turns out I'll just have to keep on keeping quiet about my hair. Shhhhh...the ponytail is sleeping!

The axis of coffee evil is situated at the intersection of Queen Anne Ave N and Boston Street. Here, you will find a Starbucks, a Peet's, and a Tully's all vying for your attention with their slick attempts at brand differentiation.

It's kind of overwhelming to have those types of choices at your disposal and I was just about to freak out and decide that I was going to drink something called tea when I noticed the low slung wooden chairs that always signal the existence of a Caffe Ladro in the area! Yay!

It was smaller than most of the Ladro's but it was cozy in there and they had some great art on the walls. Seriously, the art was pretty cool, but I bet it won't be there for long.

The coffee was tasty and I always love the fact that they have gigantic slices of delicious pie for sale! It's not like you are offered pie everyday so you might as well take them up on it.

Plus, evil doers hate pie.

The bacon alone is worth the three hour drive from Seattle.

Most of the best brunch places have waits that are hours and hours long so why not just hop in your car and come down here?

If you already live in Portland then I am barely containing my jealousy that you have access to this bacon every Sunday.